He had one of those small greek statue penises
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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