Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
