I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
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Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
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