Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
