FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
