Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
