Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
