I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
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Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
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I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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