I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
