So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
