i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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