This girl is more easily done than said...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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