I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize