Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
