Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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