It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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