He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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