To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
