The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
