I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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