The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
