Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
