new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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