Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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