Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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