apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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