I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
