So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
