I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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