you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Two words: nipple clamps
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