Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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