I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
