How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
