i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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