If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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