Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
