Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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