**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
