I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
