can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
