3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
