College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
