I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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