woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
