lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
