thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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