We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
