so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
