Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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