An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize