I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Are we still banned from the library?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
