he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
