Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize