I skipped work to stalk him.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
