He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
