can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
