"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
