Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
