If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How does one acquire holy water?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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