You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There's always time for handjobs
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
