Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
