we have pet lesbian snakes
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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