i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
