You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
