brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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