i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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