Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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