Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
