I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
