Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
