So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
