just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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