It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize